Wishing for a glimpse at the big picture

Good morning.  I am almost sick thinking about the waiting process.  I have a need in me that I must always know what is coming and what to expect.  At this moment, I can't plan out what is coming in our future.  I can't plan when we will have our newest daughter home with us, or what size she is, or whether or not she will have her cleft lip and palate repaired before she comes home.  We are not kept current on her well being at all.  It is such a strange feeling to be in love with someone, knowing they are your child, but having absolutely no control over her care or her well being.  It is against every mother bear instinct I possess.  To say it is a struggle right now is an understatement.  I keep placing my concerns and my frustrations in the hands of Jesus, knowing He sees the entire plan and he knows the timing will be perfect.  In the mean time, I am human and I am frustrated.  My sweet sister-in-law pointed out a couple of verses to remember in our time of waiting and Prov. 3:5 really spoke to my soul, Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding.  I always want to lean on my own understanding, because it is comforting and concrete.  I have learned over and over that my understanding is not as encompassing as God's understanding, and he has an eternal view of things.  Why then do I question his sovereign plan?  Why do I feel that I am better at understanding the timing and reasons behind why we have to wait so long to bring our baby Grace home?  I am going to cling to that verse, though, and repeat it often, because I forget often and it is not in my nature to wait.